Something to look forward to - and losing it

It could have been 7 January 2013. A prayer answered in exact timing. Our little dragon one. But Father thought otherwise.

An existence terminated at 9+ weeks, possibly very close to 8 June. An existence that we did not even get to hear its first signs of life. An existence that, at the very first encounter on the screen, did not make its presence felt. 

And so it was lost. The answered prayer that we were so thankful for. The many plans made in anticipation of it. The life we could have embraced in early January. As the image on the screen came into focus quickly, all excitement and plans also died down with it swiftly.

We don't doubt that Father has His plans. We don't doubt that all things will happen according to His time and will. However, the pain persists, the heartache persists, the tears persists. Until such time.

I'd rather not be given, then be given and taken away. But who are we to dictate His intentions for us? I may strive to understand His will now, and I may not get it right. I may never truly understand why until I return home to His kingdom. I may grapple with it all my life and never comprehend. Until such time.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away;" Job lost it all and was given doublefold, triplefold in blessings. I am not greedy, I don't need the doublefold and triplefold blessings, I told the Lord. I just want it back. But...


It will take time. It will take God's words. The only thing I can do is to look at my Father and believe in Him and nothing else. What else can I hold on to to take away the pain? 


Nothing.