Read an article online today about what a stay-home-mom does all day. So apt! Really, before I became a mom myself, I often wondered what I'll do and how bored I will be if I do make the decision to stay home with my kids. Now I know better.
My little baby will officially be a toddler in less than a month's time. I occasionally like to recall situations and thoughts of the exact same time the year before, as if to capture whatever memories of those significant times before it all gets buried in the depths of my brains. And I am pretty sure I will be reliving the hours of pre-labour and labour itself come the wee hours of 7 May 2012.
As my little XX (or J as some prefers) approaches toddlerhood, life is beginning to find its balance. She still is a difficult one no doubt, but the decision to stay home is something I had never found myself regretting as time goes by. In spite of her temperament, she is at the age where she easily smiles, acquires peculiar antics (shaking her head left and right, and she does wonderful little actions with her hands and feet), act demure and shy with strangers, props one leg up onto the high chair tray, and turns towards the direction of the driver's seat when prompted with 'Where's Daddy?" Even to the point of reading her gek sai 'it's time to poo poo' bin makes everything worth the while. It's a time of my life AND her life that nothing can exchange for.
So, economically I'm really not productive. Zero. Not worth a cent. I'm staying home to be a caregiver and housewife, and it's really not going to value add to my resume when I do return to the workforce one day. But really, my life has never felt more value than I've experienced when I was an employee. I'm busy everyday getting to know my kid, catering to her needs, and loving her.
Like the author of the article says, "I love my kid(s), and I am so happy. Also, I am very busy." Yup, I am very busy!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Friday, November 18, 2011
Monologue
Me: Dull.
Me: What is dull?
Me: My life is dull.
Me: So... how?
Me: How? If you don't like it, change it.
Me: Easier said than done.
Me: What is dull?
Me: My life is dull.
Me: So... how?
Me: How? If you don't like it, change it.
Me: Easier said than done.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
And it shall be, so
I think last night's conversation sealed the decision. Somewhat. I think.
The decision had been swinging back and forth. Largely due to Mummy's reluctance to give up the 13th month and year-end bonus. And when she had seemingly decided, the other end beckons.
THEN just as Mummy was concerned about filling up her time in the 2 months without relief teaching as an option, 2 other doors opened up with opportunities.
AND THEN God answered her prayers when she opened the first chapter to 'Changed into His Image': Romans 12:2-And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
How can I conform to 'it's a pity to give up your job' worldly advice? What could God's most perfect will be other than for the mother to care for the child?
Seems that the decision was never a tough one to begin with!
The decision had been swinging back and forth. Largely due to Mummy's reluctance to give up the 13th month and year-end bonus. And when she had seemingly decided, the other end beckons.
THEN just as Mummy was concerned about filling up her time in the 2 months without relief teaching as an option, 2 other doors opened up with opportunities.
AND THEN God answered her prayers when she opened the first chapter to 'Changed into His Image': Romans 12:2-And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
How can I conform to 'it's a pity to give up your job' worldly advice? What could God's most perfect will be other than for the mother to care for the child?
Seems that the decision was never a tough one to begin with!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Getting Better
Better days are here. Earlier than expected. Almost too good to be true that I had to stifle my pleasantries for fear of breaking some spell.
I remember the days when I had to latch her when shuttling between home and Grandma's place; the times when she will not settle for anything other than nursing to sleep; when she kept crying and screaming even when she was in someone's arms. Grandma fretted over what could be 'disturbing' her so much, the Mum sometimes simply functioned like a zombie, too zonked out over the lack of sleep compounded by the irrational fussing.
The Mum is not too sure what caused the change. Was it the change in her parenting method? J's co-sleeping at night with the parents? Or she simply decided to change her nature at the 4-month mark (rather than the infamous 3)?
She still cries and fusses to be carried. She still screams. She still demands more attention and energy from you than any other babies. But now that better days are here, the parents recall the tough times with fuzziness.
Thank God!
I remember the days when I had to latch her when shuttling between home and Grandma's place; the times when she will not settle for anything other than nursing to sleep; when she kept crying and screaming even when she was in someone's arms. Grandma fretted over what could be 'disturbing' her so much, the Mum sometimes simply functioned like a zombie, too zonked out over the lack of sleep compounded by the irrational fussing.
The Mum is not too sure what caused the change. Was it the change in her parenting method? J's co-sleeping at night with the parents? Or she simply decided to change her nature at the 4-month mark (rather than the infamous 3)?
She still cries and fusses to be carried. She still screams. She still demands more attention and energy from you than any other babies. But now that better days are here, the parents recall the tough times with fuzziness.
Thank God!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
My Strong-Willed, High-Needs Baby and How to Cope with Her
As I read Cave Mother's blog of a similar title, identifying so closely to it almost brought tears to my eyes. How often have I told someone, she is not easy, and the look is almost always of feigned understanding? Not that people are being hypocritical, just that, without being her primary caregiver 24/7, the been-there-done-thats think they can empathise with the level of 'difficulty' I am going through. Afterall, which baby does not cry right?
I wonder what took me so long to Google on 'difficult baby'. Not that Cave Mother's blog brought any new revelation; rather, to actually see the familiarity of the 'difficulty' being penned down by another mum brings reality closer to the heart knowing I'm not out there alone.
So what is my strong-willed and high needs baby like?
Crying is (almost) always accompanied by screaming
Always needing to nurse to sleep at night
Wakes easily and intermittently when napping in the day
Naps in the day can only take place in the rocker or sarong, and ONLY AFTER she is rocked in the arms till dozing off. Otherwise the only other way is to latch and sleep with her.
Crying AND screaming for hours on end before nap and bedtime
Wanting my nipple in her mouth all the time (in the first 3 months)
Almost always waking if I ever tried to put her down asleep in her cot for a day-nap
Can never stay in a position to play for more than 15 mins, be it the rocker, on a bed, or in the Bumbo
Never being content to just sit and watch what was going on around her - needing movement all the time
Sometimes even after movement is provided in the form of carrying and walking around, she's still not contented and will start crying AND screaming again
There was a time she simply cried whenever she was not feeding or sleeping
If you are reading this and had thought you understood what a difficult baby is, I hope this gives a fresh perspective on what the parents and caregiver of this baby have been facing.
This paragraph particularly tugged at my heartstring:
"I spent many hours searching the web and the bookshelves for answers. Nothing anybody had written seemed to apply to my baby - she just didn't do what the books said she was supposed to. Reading general parenting forums can be an exquisitely depressing experience for the parent of a high needs baby because everyone else's babies sound so easy (even though their parents still complain about them)."
Exactly what I did! And exactly how I feel! How many times have I heard someone advise me to 'train' my baby, or tell me that every baby is the same, or that it is only a phase, and that after 3 months things will be better? Or how I am advised to do this or that simply because it worked for them and hence it is assumed it will work for her?
While I appreciate the tons of baby literature abundantly available, from the very beginning of this parenthood, we had subconsciously acknowledged that she's no 'model' or 'usual' baby who will abide by the rules and routines prescribed by eminent experts and authors.
I do not know for how long she will continue to be strong-willed and high-needs. But I do know for as long as she remains so, she will deviate from the norms of just another baby.
With this, I'd like to end with Philippians 4:4 -
"Rejoice in the Lord alway; and again I say, Rejoice"
I wonder what took me so long to Google on 'difficult baby'. Not that Cave Mother's blog brought any new revelation; rather, to actually see the familiarity of the 'difficulty' being penned down by another mum brings reality closer to the heart knowing I'm not out there alone.
So what is my strong-willed and high needs baby like?
If you are reading this and had thought you understood what a difficult baby is, I hope this gives a fresh perspective on what the parents and caregiver of this baby have been facing.
This paragraph particularly tugged at my heartstring:
"I spent many hours searching the web and the bookshelves for answers. Nothing anybody had written seemed to apply to my baby - she just didn't do what the books said she was supposed to. Reading general parenting forums can be an exquisitely depressing experience for the parent of a high needs baby because everyone else's babies sound so easy (even though their parents still complain about them)."
Exactly what I did! And exactly how I feel! How many times have I heard someone advise me to 'train' my baby, or tell me that every baby is the same, or that it is only a phase, and that after 3 months things will be better? Or how I am advised to do this or that simply because it worked for them and hence it is assumed it will work for her?
While I appreciate the tons of baby literature abundantly available, from the very beginning of this parenthood, we had subconsciously acknowledged that she's no 'model' or 'usual' baby who will abide by the rules and routines prescribed by eminent experts and authors.
I do not know for how long she will continue to be strong-willed and high-needs. But I do know for as long as she remains so, she will deviate from the norms of just another baby.
With this, I'd like to end with Philippians 4:4 -
"Rejoice in the Lord alway; and again I say, Rejoice"
Monday, August 22, 2011
He answered my thoughts
All along I had envisioned raising obliging and charming children. One who'd be a happy and serene baby. One that does not throw tantrums, and be willing to listen to reasonable lecturings.
I had imagined being the envy of other mums, yet not coz I had easy children, but that I could rein my child in as a successful mum.
And so He read my thoughts and gave me a strong-willed, high needs baby to 'rein in'.
Never underestimate what God can do. How He can read your thoughts and answer them in a way you'd never expect Him to.
How He can provide us with such a blessing, yet baffle us with such tribulation of caring for her.
How we finally understand as parents, that she can test us to our extremes yet still have our love, like how we put God to His extremes and yet we still will enjoy His blessings.
How I understand now why God gave us her......
I had imagined being the envy of other mums, yet not coz I had easy children, but that I could rein my child in as a successful mum.
And so He read my thoughts and gave me a strong-willed, high needs baby to 'rein in'.
Never underestimate what God can do. How He can read your thoughts and answer them in a way you'd never expect Him to.
How He can provide us with such a blessing, yet baffle us with such tribulation of caring for her.
How we finally understand as parents, that she can test us to our extremes yet still have our love, like how we put God to His extremes and yet we still will enjoy His blessings.
How I understand now why God gave us her......
Friday, July 22, 2011
Eat, play, sleep
This is a routine explained to us by our well-meaning lactation consultant, who advised us to start little J on such during the day. Well, probably for the ideal textbook baby, but, for our little one, nah. She's too atas for such routine. She has an additional portion - cry, which takes up nearly 80% of her waking hours. And the only way to pacify her, is to have the boobs on 24/7 standby.
It is indeed amazing how one can survive with so little, and so interrupted a night's sleep. I remember cowering in fear, trepidation and exhaustion in the first few days of her life that, I would be subject to such intermittent feeding hours throughout the nights to satisfy her Royal Highness for a long time to come. When would it end? How can I ever imagine getting accustomed to it? The promise of better days seemed too far to imagine arriving.
I have no idea since when, my body started adapting to its biological clock of waking in the wee hours of the day even without her Royal Highness escalating her soprano voice. It is admittedly due to tearing boobs at times, but otherwise, I find myself checking the clock at unearthly hours half in expectation of her Highness' call.
Alas, after 2.5 months, there's still no sign of her Highness showing any signs of adapting to an eat, play, sleep routine. We give thanks in little blessings of, diminished cryings, prolonged sleep periods, and the amazement in being able to put her to sleep in a rocker chair without latching.
Better days are coming. Facial coming, massage coming, manicure coming, haircut coming......
It is indeed amazing how one can survive with so little, and so interrupted a night's sleep. I remember cowering in fear, trepidation and exhaustion in the first few days of her life that, I would be subject to such intermittent feeding hours throughout the nights to satisfy her Royal Highness for a long time to come. When would it end? How can I ever imagine getting accustomed to it? The promise of better days seemed too far to imagine arriving.
I have no idea since when, my body started adapting to its biological clock of waking in the wee hours of the day even without her Royal Highness escalating her soprano voice. It is admittedly due to tearing boobs at times, but otherwise, I find myself checking the clock at unearthly hours half in expectation of her Highness' call.
Alas, after 2.5 months, there's still no sign of her Highness showing any signs of adapting to an eat, play, sleep routine. We give thanks in little blessings of, diminished cryings, prolonged sleep periods, and the amazement in being able to put her to sleep in a rocker chair without latching.
Better days are coming. Facial coming, massage coming, manicure coming, haircut coming......
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