Am I Enough?

Today is one of those days that hit me really hard. I especially crumble at the lethal combination of inadequate sleep plus anger triggers. So many thoughts run through me so quickly I could hardly process them: I don't wanna be that mum that don't connect. I don't wanna be that unloving mum. I don't wanna be that reprimanding and negative mum. I don't wanna be that perpetually impatient mum. I don't wanna be that mum with that disapproving look. I don't wanna be MY mum.

But I'm all of that, and maybe more. And I hate that I can't seem to shed all those negative images and personas when I'm parenting her. I hate myself when I'm parenting her. I hate being her parent. 
Yet I'm also acutely aware of how much she is like me as a child. The temper, the tantrums, the insolence, the pride, the standoffish attitude, that disregarding look. I used to wonder what I needed at that age, and I don't anymore. Because I realised I don't know what I needed at that time for me to change as well. I still don't know what to do with myself at that age.

Lord. I just can't help but know that there's something you want me to learn in here, from here. I really just don't know what. YET. Is it Your way of making me understand why my parents parented me the way they did, and how hard they found it? I struggle between letting it be and that innate rise to correct her even though I know it will be futile. I look at myself and think she will turn out fine because I did. But can we be sure? If I just pray and do what I can, is what I can enough? Or I simply need to do more? What is more, and how much more? Will more backfire? Will she hate me more? Should I strive to always be there? Can I always be there with so many other children needing my attention?

AM I ENOUGH?