I remember from most female friends that they enjoy pregnancy more than motherhood. Something I never truly understood until I experienced it myself.
Pregnancy for me was relatively smooth and definitely enjoyable. I was mobile, active, and able to enjoy most activities that I was involved in before I got pregnant. Motherhood so far is tumultous, with good hours and bad hours (not even days), and definitely tougher than I had ever imagined it to be. I am currently bound to her, as inactive as I had never been, and surely unable to be involved in anything that takes me away from her.
Similarly, I remember hearing from female friends about postnatal depression. Again, something I never truly understood till I experienced it myself.
The way PND hit me was sudden and possibly elevated by insomnia in the hospital. It attached itself to me through quiet tears, then followed me home the same day with torrents soaking the pillow, and plagued me the entire month with bouts of frustration, helplessness and desperation. There were a whole lot of questions and answers, along with another lot of queries and assumptions by onlookers: Why does she keep crying? Is she hungry? She must be hungry. She is not fed enough. There's not enough milk supply. You should supplement.
Without going through the details, most of the difficult times are over and most doubts cast aside (hopefully). With God's grace, God-sent help, God's brethrens and many nights and days of desperate pleas and prayers to God, we are seeing the first glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel. From questioning if it was a mistake made, I thank God for the little terror that brought me on such a rollercoaster ride.
I remember hearing from friends who are new parents that the days will only get better. Something I truly never understood and did not think it would come to pass until I experienced it myself.
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