Everytime I go onto my blog I will hear the guitar strumming and Kana Uemura singing away. Which brings me back to the days when I would deal with the kids in the morning and while my afternoons away in my baking and surfing.
I reminiscence, not about the days of loafing, but the environment that we were in, and the detachment from home-reality. Days where we lived, we ventured, we had the heart and energy to try and to do, with the mindset of living everything up since everything is new, fresh and burden-free.
There were little to think in terms of consequences, repercussions, what-ifs, if-nots. Spending was prudent, but not tight, and at least it never felt worrying. People were warm, welcoming and forgiving. Nature was in abundance with plenty to explore and journey.
Is this the so-called, quality of life? The intangible part of it, at least.
Since we've been back, I have not truly 'missed' life in Kochi. Mainly because the MS started, and it was so comforting to be home instead of struggling alone in a foreign land; after the MS ceased somewhat, it was replaced by the excitement and anticipation of TLO.
Until today.
I wouldn't even call it a bout of homesickness. It was more a subtle sense of being there, in that house, in that spot, in that activity that I was once so part of and so accustomed to. And that, at that moment in time, I had once thought of 'now' as a future point in time, something more faraway than I thought it to be.
And suddenly, it's 'now'.
I have my own way of 'capturing' a moment in my life. Sometimes when I reach a moment that I feel I want to always remember it, I would tell my brain to remember this moment in time, in the hope that this specific memory would be captured in my brain for the longest time ever. I will never be able to know if I managed to remember all those moments that I wanted to remember (if it's forgotten I won't remember it isn't it?) but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that those were moments that I truly wanted to hold on to to the best of my ability, and as long as I have tried, maybe God knows better that I should not remember them.
I got out of the comfort zone in Singapore and moved to Japan for a year and I am getting comfortable here... and then b4 i know it, I have to move out of this comfort zone to go back. Kind of sad. While being here, I agree that there's really no much consequences to think of, all i think of is how to make full use of the 1 year here, to travel, have fun and to being alone... going back would be like going back to reality? It has beenn a wonderful year for u and It will be a wonderful year for me too... so hold on to these precious memries but look forward for more precious memories to come.
ReplyDelete"I have my own way of 'capturing' a moment in my life. Sometimes when I reach a moment that I feel I want to always remember it, I would tell my brain to remember this moment in time, in the hope that this specific memory would be captured in my brain for the longest time ever. I will never be able to know if I managed to remember all those moments that I wanted to remember (if it's forgotten I won't remember it isn't it?) but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that those were moments that I truly wanted to hold on to to the best of my ability, and as long as I have tried, maybe God knows better that I should not remember them."
ReplyDeleteI can truly grasp what you were feeling then. sometimes i tell myself that too. I tell myself that I want to remember this certain time of my life...