Time after time

Realised I've been consciously preventing myself from writing here. It was a combination of not really knowing what to write, and not wanting to express unnecessary negativities I might be feeling.

The songsheet I have been using to 'sing' to myself is, time. More time. Time is necessary to fit in, to understand, to adjust, to reconcile gaps. Time is necessary to learn, to find out, to grasp what is expected. Time after time.

And so I've been singing this since 22 November. And am still singing. I'm not impatient, it's afterall been only what, 3 weeks? I probably need to give it more time, really. Though I'm not really sure the scope is what I signed up for initially.

There's this sense that I have yet to grasp the confidence I need in the work I'm doing because, 1) I've never done it before, 2) I'm not sure what is expected of me, 3) I'm not sure if I like what I'm being assigned to do, 4) I really dislike the feeling of not having that familiarity and proficiency in the stuff I do.

It's also ironical because, I really oughta have expected it. C'mon, it's a new environment right? Of course there will be a steeper learning curve and it will definitely feel tougher at the beginning. The transition couldn't have been all smooth sailing isn't it?

And so there goes. The ultimate conclusion, even without letting it out, and after all the internalisation, is that, more time is needed. And at the end of the day, after it's been further concluded that enough time has been given, the only thing to do is to countdown to May 2011.