Thursday, May 22, 2008

A Father’s Lament at the Death of his Son

Excerpts taken from a sermon on 2 Samuel 18:33 by Rev. H.A. Bergsma (http://www.frcna.org/data/sermons/1120597089.doc)

The person of Absalom cuts quite a figure in the Bible.
If he had lived in our day and age he may have been a famous screen idol, acting for a sit-com, or some other glamorous entertainer.
He is portrayed in the Bible as a handsome young man with long flowing black hair, and obviously the heart-throb of many young women.
Absalom is the well-known son of King David – the God-fearing King David of Israel.
In other words, when Absalom was born, it was instant wealth and power and fame for him.
Absalom was also born in the Covenant and received the sign of the Covenant.
But a very tragic thing happened to Absalom … in the strength of his manhood, Absalom died … and as far as we know, unsaved; He perished.
And in our text we have the pathetic lament of father David at the death of his son Absalom … “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

This is not the first time that David is struck with grief and sorrow because of a death. David has mourned before.
At one time, David lost his good friend Jonathan.
And David lamented … “How are the mighty fallen in the midst of the battle! O Jonathan, thou wast slain in thine high places. I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me.” (2 Samuel 1:25,26)
With majestic poetry David then lamented his loss, and the loss of Israel for a valiant man who gave his life on the battlefield.
Then, it was an honorable and a worthy lament.

But the case with Absalom is different. David’s lament here is of an entirely different nature.
David’s grief here is the grief of a father. Now he is personally involved.
And worse yet … now he cannot speak of any heroism of a brave man, or of valiant deeds, or of an honorable death.

In our text passage, we see David pacing back and forth in the upper chamber over the gate of the city of Mahanaim.
Word has just reached him from the battlefield … Absalom, his son, has been killed!
And now with violent sobbing, this father pours out his grief.
It’s a painful grief; a grief that seems to have no bounds.
Wave after wave, the sorrows roll over him and through him.
And as David tries to pour out his grief, he cannot find suitable words to articulate what he feels.
Gone are the poetic eulogies for the fallen dead. Gone are the majestic words.
Gone are the expressions of honor. David can find none of them for his son.
Now his mind is in a turmoil, and all that comes out are the spasms of a hurting heart bursting forth in broken love … “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!”

Perhaps you ask “But why this sort of lament?”

Well, you must understand that Absalom had been one of David’s favorite sons.
Somehow, David always had a soft spot for Absalom.
Absalom could virtually do no wrong as far as his father was concerned.
For instance … Once, Absalom had taken justice into his own hands.
You can read of this in 2 Samuel 13.
He had killed his half-brother Ammon for raping his sister Tamar.
Absalom had decided all on his own, without consulting his father, that he would punish Ammon by killing him.
Father David had let it go; no discipline; no authoritative measures; he let his children do as they were inclined, and the result was confusion, turmoil, hatred, even murder.
After that affair, Absalom decided that it was probably better to move out of the palace for a while. And so he did, and lived away from home for 3 years no less.
Meanwhile, the soul of David “longed to go forth to Absalom,” so we read.
David yearned to see Absalom again, and when Absalom heard of this, he boldly moved back into the palace, and moved about in the presence of his father again, without ever feeling the need to confess sin or guilt for what he had done.
David was content to let it go and not make any mention of it.
However, this emboldened Absalom to strike out further into sin.

Absalom was a proud young man.
If he wanted to do some traveling, he had horses and chariots prepared, and 50 men would run ahead of him to announce his coming. Absalom loved honor and fame.
According to tradition, Absalom had a pillar erected in the middle of a valley known as the “King’s Dale” as a monument to himself. (Josephus, Antiquities, vii.10.3)
Meanwhile, father David closed his eyes to it all; at least, he did not say a thing about it.

Now, this was not because David was too busy being King, or because he had become too old or senile … nothing of the sort, because we are told in verse 13 that … “there was no matter which was hid from the King.”
In other words, David was on top of all the things that were going on in his kingdom.

We must conclude therefore that it was a failure on the part of David to let his son go on in his wild life, without any warnings or without any rebukes.
This failure in David encouraged Absalom; and it gave him boldness to carry out a particularly wicked plan.
It was the wicked plan of wresting the Kingdom from his father and getting it for himself.

And Absalom thought he could pull it off.
He had great charm – and he knew it – in all of Israel none was so much praised for his good looks as Absalom … “from the sole of his foot even to the crown of his head there was no blemish in him.”
Therefore, with some well-placed charm and some clever moves, he soon won the hearts of many subjects.
And it was uncanny, but it seems that he was able to keep his father ignorant of it … at least, so it appeared.
Father David would not see any wrong in son Absalom; his love for Absalom had made him overlook the wrong; his love for Absalom had made him blind to the evil, sinister side of Absalom.
David had apparently not considered it necessary to check into his son’s activities, or to question him on them, or to correct him in them.
And soon enough David was in great difficulty for it.
Before he realized what was going on, his son Absalom was well on his way to steal the throne from his father.
Absalom had managed to bring great division in the land.
Many people had begun to follow this Prince Charming, and before long, David had to flee from Jerusalem.
His own son had chased him out of the royal city.

But the story of Absalom goes from bad to worse from here on in.
Absalom mocked his “weakling” father, and in chapter 16 we read of Absalom even committing adultery with all his father’s concubines in the sight of all Israel.
Clearly, Absalom’s intention was to humiliate his father through and through.

Well, we know the rest of the story.
The soldiers loyal to David would have to face Absalom and his soldiers.
And this confrontation is described for us in our text-chapter.
But one thing stands out … father David still had a soft spot for his son.
As the soldiers prepared to go out and fight against Absalom and his soldiers, David had this to say yet to his soldiers … “Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom.”

The ensuing battle did not go well for Absalom; his army was scattered by the soldiers of David, and he, Absalom himself ended up having to run for his life on the back of a mule.
But tragedy struck … his beautiful long hair that he was so proud of, got caught in the branches of a tree and left Absalom actually hanging from a tree.
Joab, the general of David’s army saw it, went up to Absalom and without a moment’s hesitation killed Absalom on the spot.

Now, why was Joab so bold to do this, knowing David’s love for Absalom, and knowing David’s pleas to deal gently with the young man Absalom?

I believe Joab understood the seriousness of the matter between David and Absalom.
He saw in Absalom something that David did not want to see; he saw in Absalom a young man rebelling against the Law of God and undermining the Theocratic aspects of the kingdom.
Joab saw in Absalom a young man capitalizing on the weakness of his father; capitalizing on the lack of discipline from his father; taking his opportunities to mock with his father, and with that, opposing the God of his father, and mocking with the God of his father’s kingdom.
Absalom, you see, had committed a very nasty evil; an evil that is not easily corrected.
He had mocked his father David’s God-given position as King; he had mocked his father’s religion; and with it, he had mocked his father’s God.
At bottom, Absalom’s activity was therefore rebellion against the God of heaven and earth.

The Bible comes with some sobering thoughts.
We have heard something about the relationship between David and Absalom … the relationship David had with his son Absalom, and that which Absalom had with his father.
There were great problems in this relationship.
But how is the relationship between the young and the old amongst us?
Are there problems, perhaps of the sort described above?
Are there conflicts, or tensions, or rivalry perhaps?
Is there amongst us what is known sometimes as the “generation gap” – and then not merely a lack of communication between a younger and an older group – but actually a gap of conflict or tension?
Is such a gap perhaps due to a lack of leadership, or a lack of discipline, or provocations or mockery or rebellion?

There is a word of admonition for our younger ones.
You need to understand the mentality of your parents, and of the older folk in general...
You need to see the wisdom in respecting the authority... of your parents.


True enough, your parents will readily admit that they are not perfect; … that they are not perfect in discipline; that they are not perfect in their admonitions; and that they are not perfect even in the way they show their love for you.
Your parents will admit that there are areas in your life in which they have failed.
But please do not turn against them or against their God; please do not oppose, or worse yet, undermine their God-given authority.

As far as we can tell, David failed with Absalom disastrously.
As father, he was blinded by the way he loved his son, and David could not get himself to warn his son for the disaster he was courting.
David failed Absalom because he did not restrain his son’s proud heart.
David failed Absalom because he did not instill or stir-up respect for his religion.
But that did not excuse Absalom.
Again, dear young people! Pay close attention to this!
You are a baptized people. You have the privilege to be known as Covenant –children.
This implies that God holds you responsible for your practice of religion, and for your conduct in life.
God holds you responsible for your sins … no matter how much you may have been provoked into it by the neglect of your parents.
You will never be allowed to say in the presence of God … “But my parents raised me this way; they did not look after me properly, and it isn’t my fault that I turned out this way!”
God holds you responsible as a covenant-person.
It was God who had you baptized and put the sign and the seal of the covenant on you.
If you would now rebel against God and against His Word by courting sin and by living in sin, you must know that you do far worse than a person of the world.
Why? Because your sin is against better knowledge and a sin of a Covenant-breaking nature.

Take a warning from the life and death of Absalom.
Absalom was born in the Covenant; but he lived as a Covenant-breaker, and as far as we know, he died as a Covenant-breaker.

Father David received his son’s death-notice with the greatest of grief.
His world, so it seems has caved in. All that looms in front of him is the tragic loss of his son.
At this point, he is not able to shows any consideration or appreciation for his loyal soldiers who had achieved a great victory for him.
All he can think of is that his son Absalom is dead; and his father-heart is broken.
He mourns uncontrollably – pathetically; his conscience is troubled; his soul is in anguish, his heart is heavy; he feels it … his son Absalom is lost.

David grieved bitterly … “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
There was nothing he could do for his son Absalom anymore; it was too late.
He stood there as a father, as it were helplessly, on the edge of eternity, seeing his son in the far distance sinking away in the depths of perdition.
He wished he could take his place … “would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

It is tragic that we have to hear this under such circumstances.
But it is at the same time an evidence of the love that parents have for their children.
Such love is a wonderful gift of God … but there comes a point where such love must stand-by helplessly, as it did with David … “Absalom! would God I had died for thee.”
But it was too late for Absalom, and impossible for David.

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