Pray

As I prayed in my cubicle in the darkened office during lunch, I wondered what was bothering me. 'Cheerful','optimistic', 'happy' are hardly words that I would describe myself with. I'm either 'tired' or 'dazed' when my brains are so bogged down and fried.

I started out not knowing what to pray about. As Song puts it in her blog, there are things you ought to pray about, things you ought NOT pray about, and things you don't know what or how to pray about. And most times we end up in the 3rd category of prayers.

Then I realised, I'm really really sad because I feel He hasn't been part of all the things that has been happening all these while. Has He said yes? Or has He yet to give an answer? Have I been seeking Him, or have I not 'engaged' Him enough? In Judges, He said if I do what is right in my own eyes, it may end up being the wrong thing in His eyes. So am I doing things in His will, or am I just willing myself to do it? Am I to be patient, or is He just not opening doors?

As I spoke to Him, the tears fell. Perhaps I'm really too tired le. Been taxing my brains with alternatives, timelines, possibilities, impossibilities. All by myself. Time to just throw down the burden and leave it to Him, him or anybody else who'd like to take it up.